I posted this on Reddit in December of 2022. I wanted to add this hear, as it’s an important reminder.
I am posting to say this. Please do not let your home lab, your home projects, even work always come before those you love. Saying to yourself “it can wait until tomorrow” for something trivial, sometimes tomorrow doesn’t come. Sometimes setting up a new piece of equipment, a new operating system, a new container, working on a new project, whatever isn’t the most important. Time is limited, and we all are guilty of this. You don’t want to end up like me.
My mother was hospitalized Friday. She didn’t want to go, thought she would be fine and said she didn’t want to be in the hospital over the holidays nor on her birthday, since her birthday is a few days after Christmas (12/30). But I overrode that decision and had them take her to the hospital.
Next thing I know, I’m consenting to allowing them to place a central line. But fine, she’ll pull through. Then later in the day (Saturday), I have to consent to her becoming intubated. Fine, she can still pull through. After being maxed out on 3 different pressers, bicarb, etc, still unable to control her pressure. Organs start shutting down. Can’t control her temp. Start continuous bed-side dialysis, still no real change.
Sunday afternoon comes, after both her kids are there, few hours later discovered she no longer had a gag reflex, no more cornea reflexes, all likelihood her brain stem has died. Code team standing by at one point. Later make the decision to change her from FULL code to DNR as they said now she’s less than 5% likely to even survive a cardiac arrest let alone the torture of CPR.
Monday comes. Temp’s still uncontrollable. Her body temp with warming blankets, warm saline, the thermometer in the room set to 80, still 92-93 degrees (f). Add a 4th presser. Leave the hospital for a few hours, get called again to rush back, saying they gave her more bicarb just so she could make it until we arrived.
Removed all antibiotics, all blood pressure meds. Remove the dialysis. Remove the intubation. I felt my mothers weak heartbeat get weaker, then stop beating. I watched her chest move the last time. Time of death 3:47.
Maybe had I went to see her Thursday as was the plan instead of sending my wife to deliver her special Thursday lunch, I would have saw something wrong and made her go to the hospital one day sooner. Know why I didn’t? Because I was “too busy” migrating to a new machine for pfSense. Now I have no desire to touch any of this equipment, log into any system, do anything but cry.
Maybe had I went to see her Wednesday, I would have noticed something. But I worked until 8pm, and was tired. All excuses really. Every time she would go into the hospital, she *always* beat whatever it was. So even this time, up until Sunday figured she’d beat it. This would be our Christmas miracle. Now Christmas to me is the day our mother “really” died.
Take it from me. Take those few minutes, and spend with your loved ones. Don’t constantly put it off for your lab, or anything. Otherwise, you will end up like me. Nonstop crying. Each time you walk past your lab, even more tears. I’m lost.
I know this isn’t technically the spirit of r/homelab but, this is the community I associated with most, and some of you have become friends outside of reddit. R.I.P Mom. 12/30/1955 – 12/26/2022, 3:47PM.
Everyone, take care.
EDIT: Septic Shock was the admission reason and the cause of death. Had 2 infections.